#like happy for you buddy but like 9 people have come out today. i think i gotta clean the toilets tomorrow

[cosmicrhetoric]

but it is extremely funny that when mal finally gives up the ghost and says something about the a at the end of his name the only reaction he gets is jade going "dat's nice :) 👍" and polly going "yeah yeah whatever. huh i'd be cleaning the toilets right about now"

[to-be-a-dreamer]

Jumping onto your post about Tommy and cancel culture. People need to remember the general audience for 9-1-1 is people in their forties and fifties, who most likely did shitty things very similar to the things Tommy did in the begins episodes at one point in their lives, then grew and changed in the same way he did. So the notion that the show would circle back to before this obvious growth and portray him as some sort of irredeemable monster is laughable. Because they would be alienating a big chunk of their audience by doing that.

Post that Anon is talking about for reference (it could also be this one but the other one links back to this one anyway)

This is exactly why I have a love-hate relationship with Josh's monologue from Episode 6!! Because it is absolutely true that younger queer people (or queer people who came out in more recent years) who haven't learned their history could never understand the kind of things people had to do to protect themselves. And I immediately clocked that the whole plotline about Abby was supposed to be an indirect explanation for why Tommy acted the way he did in the flashback episodes and it was actually the writers subtly speaking to the viewers who still didn't understand. And that's such an important conversation to have but I don't know why they didn't just make the episode about that instead of bringing Abby into it.

Like, it would have been so much more impactful and just as easy if, instead of Tommy offhandedly mentioning he was Abby's ex-fiance, Chim and Hen were joking about how Tommy used to act when Gerard was captain of the 118. And instead of Buck not understanding why a gay person in the 2000s wouldn't feel safe enough to come out, he could wrestle with the fact that Tommy had once been a bigot who hurt his friends and we could see him work through that with the viewers.

I dunno if they just didn't know how to write that or if they're afraid they wouldn't be able to redeem Tommy to certain viewers if they acknowledged that part of his backstory and preferred to just keep ignoring it in the hopes that people would just move on. But the fact is that Tommy's story is relatable to so many people who watch 9-1-1 and I'm sure a lot of them were excited to see that portrayed on TV. And I'm just really sad for those people who have to see other fans act like they don't deserve to be happy.

Queer history isn't all drag queens and Stonewall riots. It's also people like Tommy who had to hide who they were and do shit they shouldn't have because not everyone is brave enough to throw the first brick. Even today, being queer in real life isn't always like Heartstopper or Buddie fanfictions. Sometimes it's scary and it's messy and there are so many good people who do a lot of bad shit out of fear. And maybe you don't think that's right but it happens and those people deserve the chance to redeem themselves and be a part of the community. It's time we start telling their stories too, not just the perfectly noble ones.

[changingplumbob]

Knightstone Household: Chapter 9, Part 9

Adam wakes up in a good mood. It’s his day off meaning he can take some time to work on his skills. First up though, food for the family. He cooking away but actually thinking about the painting he wants to finish when he feels things get hot. The food caught fire! Smiling through the chaos he took steps to douse the flames and, leaving hot breakfast for his family, heads upstairs to shower.

Suzanna: Good morning Silas

Silas: Morning Mummy

Suzanna: Are you feeling well still? You didn't catch a chill from the snow?

Silas: Yeah I’ll be fine

Silas speed eats his leftover pancakes so that he can do some reading before school. He’s been feeling like mysteries. Suzanna leaves him to clean the dishes and do other chores while a freshly showered Adam sits down. He’s not too sure about Silas reading such a big book when he’s not even eight but Adam read plenty of books he shouldn’t have when he was young. Seems silly to tell him off for curiosity that’s harming no one else.

After he’s finished Adam heads back upstairs to the veranda. He has a set of easels up here, the surrounding views often inspire him. Thinking hard he begins to paint. His day job is critiquing art but he enjoys creating his own works. When he finishes he congratulates himself on another excellent art piece and after some thinking decides to sell it to the local gallery to increase his fame.

Suzanna: Silas if you don’t leave now you’ll miss the bus

Silas: Sorry mum. Can I invite Ruth and Tyree around after school

Suzanna: Sure, I’ll let your dad know. Have a good day

Silas: Bye Mummy, love you

With one son at school Suzanna went to check on the other. Pollock had been having a sleep in but was happy enough to get up and be put in front of food. While he ate Suzanna carried on with her chores, four people made a lot of laundry.

Pollock: MUMMY

Suzanna could hear him from the bedroom and went back to get him out of his high chair. Before she put him down however she gave him a big snuggle.

Suzanna: What are you going to do today

Pollock: Not no

Suzanna: Whatever you do you let Daddy work when he needs to okay Moondust

Pollock: Yes Mummy

While Suzanna started tending her garden before her shift the frost slowed her down and she didn’t manage to finish. Going to find Adam she asked if he could finish it, kissed him on the cheek, and sped off to work. Adam went outside and watered some of the plants, although it was a bit tricky to tell what needed a drink in the snow.

Adam checked the machine but the washing was still spinning so he got out his guitar and practiced a few songs. Pollock, who had been reading inside, came out at the sound of music.

Pollock: Daddy play

Adam: Sorry buddy, I need to practice

Pollock: No Daddy. I play. Daddy watch

Adam smiled as Pollock began the task of moving himself down the stairs and jumped in the snow. He was glad Pollock was content to entertain himself.

Eventually the washing was done and Adam hung it up before collecting Pollock to take inside.

Pollock: Why in Daddy

Adam: We were outside for a while, don’t want to get too cold. Can you feel the heater inside

Pollock: Yes. Daddy can play?

Adam: You want to play or you want me to play with you

Pollock: With Daddy

The pair played for a while but Adam wanted to work on his writing so he took Pollock in to the office room with him.

Adam: Alright Pol, stay in here where Daddy can hear you okay

Pollock: Kay Daddy

So while Adam worked on his latest book Pollock happily played with the toys, enjoying scuttling through the tunnel especially.

Pollock: What Daddy do

Adam: Hmm? Oh I’m writing my book

Pollock: Huh?

Adam: It’s a science fiction book called We Came From Sixam

Pollock: Did Daddy

Adam: No Daddy didn’t. Mummy and Daddy came from earth carriers. But when you write books you can make up your own stories. My main character comes from Sixam

Pollock: Oh. Kay

Pollock grabbed his tablet and sat by Adam as he did his final edits. Eventually Adam felt like the book was good enough to go to the publishers. With Pollock escorting him he went to the mailbox and posted off the manuscript. Later in the evening his publisher called to let him know the book had been nominated for an award, very exciting!

Previous ... Next

[mazzystar24]

idk who else to go to with this but i have so many people sending me hate because i don’t like bucktommy when i literally never even post about them????? they keep calling me toxic and a hater and i’m not i just have shipped buddie for years and i don’t vibe with tommy…. it makes me sad because this fandom used to bond over buddie so much but now i just see angry tommy fans (and admittedly some buddie fans but nowhere near as many) spreading so much hatred and rudeness while turning around and calling buddie fans toxic when we just want to ship our 6 year long standing ship… and like i said i genuinely never post about bucktommy, and if i do say something about them that can be perceived as negative then i always tag it “anti-bucktommy” and i NEVER tag it bucktommy so that they don’t have to even see it! It hurts to open up the app not knowing if i’m going to have another person calling me homophobic or a fetishizer (i’m literally queer) or calling me a toxic bitch when i literally don’t do anything but post happy buddie content 9/10 posts! and like i said i know i’ve seen some buddie accounts go to extremes and i’m not defending that, but i’ve seen people who will call out even the slightest apprehension to bucktommy as if they stepped on someone’s grave, while simultaneously bullying and harassing buddie shippers for minding their own business… like i can’t even go into the buddie tag and it’s people attacking us left and right while the bucktommy tag is nothing but everyone gushing over them… i hate that we can’t enjoy a 6 year old ship anymore because half the fandom decided to jump to this other one that has barely gotten any screentime between two characters that don’t really have chemistry with each other and they want to berate us for it and call us names. I’m not a fetishizer and I’m not toxic, I’m just a late 20s queer girl who wants to talk about buddie without a barrage of hate and insults thrown at me but I can’t do that anymore… 9-1-1/buddie used to be my safe place but now i can’t even come on tumblr because i’m worried a stan will be lurking in my asks/replies waiting to tell me how awful i am.

i’m sorry to dump all of that on you but i just opened a really nasty ask and it hurt a lot to read what they said about me and you were the first person on my dash

Hey anon!

Okay so I can already guess I’ll be late posting this cos i think I’ll be replying to this in increments throughout my day today, and also I can tell this is really bothering you so I don’t wanna just give like a short rushed answer - oh wow I actually wrote this in one sitting cos I can’t shut up once I start

Yes the fandom has been a downright mess lately and it’s like I always say, people if you wanna engage in discourse that’s your prerogative and no one is faulting you for that but it’s the utter lack of fandom etiquette these toxic fans have that’s the real issue and I also feel like as you said a huge issue is this kind of imaginary high horse they seem to have

Like I totally agree that there is like this section of toxic bucktommy fans who try to warp not liking bucktommy into being biphobic- which look if people are actually being biphobic by all means call them out but when you’re going to actual queer people who posted 166283894 posts celebrating bi buck, only to attack them for not liking the ship?? Then that’s just plain stupid I’m sorry, like being happy to have the queer rep and not liking bucktommy isn’t mutually exclusive and it’s ridiculous people are trying to make it out to be

Like I’ve personally been sent an ask like that where they implied that I was biphobic for not being a big fan of bucktommy and that “I don’t know how exhausting it is for bi people” - which I gotta say made me go what about my blog would ever make someone think ah yes straight 🤩

And thing is at the time they sent that my most note filled post was my celebration reaction meme extravaganza to getting bi buck which I feel added some fun irony to the whole thing

And calling people shipping two MEN (buddie) homophobic takes a special kind of cognitive dissonance that I gotta say I’d almost be impressed with the leaps in logic if it wasn’t so annoying

Now I personally don’t know what state the bucktommy tag is in cos I mostly stick to the 911 abc and the buddie tag but I know how the buddie tag has been and I agree the misuse of tags to make a negative space is absolutely ridiculous and again that all goes back to the etiquette part

And the fetishising thing is also just another thing that absolutely grates my nerves, because these toxic fans really need a dictionary thrown at their heads because buddie is like the polar opposite of that.

First of all a large section of buddie shippers im aware have asexual Eddie headcanons and that aside let’s say we want gay Eddie and buddie and all those things, let’s even say we want them to fuck nasty *gasp🫢* and sloppy and write 156273 smut fics where they plain fuck like rabbits (*nun faints in the background* also probably some pearl clutching occurred upon reading this),

THAT’S NOT THE POINT HERE- the point is the main appeal of buddie as a ship isn’t that ooo look two hot guys kissing; it’s the history it’s the friendship, it’s the vulnerability, it’s the will scene, the shooting, the trust, the parallels, the understanding of each other, it’s the domesticity and it’s all these moments that have nothing to do with sex or objectifying their dynamic or mlm relationships but rather shipping them because they are two people with this amazing connection and these experiences

and THAT? That’s the furthest thing from fetishisation

Now I could be controversial and talk about how SOME and some is the operative word of this sentence- SOME toxic bucktommy fans have been blatant in not really caring about the story or the characters or buck and Tommy as individuals or the team dynamic or anything other than seeing these two men kiss, these being a lot of the same fans who refuse to watch the show other than the bucktommy and Tommy scenes and then will act like they somehow understand the show more than fans who’ve been here years or seen the whole show BUT I digress because I know that saying this is me basically asking for spam hate (so shhhh let’s pretend I didn’t say that 🤫)

who said that? 👀not me👀damn that’s crazy a ghost just ran across my keyboard 🙄

Anyways back to you specifically, because I really do think it bares mentioning, if you’ve been respectful to others then that’s all you can do and thank you on the behalf of everyone cos it really makes a difference, and I wanna say sorry on the behalf of every asshole who’s deciding to attack you for ridiculous reasons, the best advice I can give you is to genuinely not let it get to you I know it’s easier said than done but you know who you are and you know your intentions and some dumbass sitting behind a screen who can’t even properly comprehend what biphobia or fetishisation actually is (or worse DOES know what it is but is just using it as a way to put others down over a tv show to have an imaginary high ground) isn’t worth your time or your distress and they cannot change who you are

This part might be over explaining the obvious but in case you don’t know/ are new to tumblr or whatever: If you wanna continue to have fandom spaces as a safe place filtering should get rid of a lot of the posts and so should blocking but ofc you’ll see a few so just skip past and enjoy the content you like, if you wanna make posts and are scared of asks from toxic shippers maybe you can turn off your asks temporarily until you feel like you’re in a better place mentally to deal with it

Oooo or an idea that might work is you can ask your followers and mutuals (who are the ones most likely to be sending the nice asks) to use an emoji at the start of their asks to indicate to you that this is an ask you’ll like then you can delete any ask without that emoji without even having to look at the hate if it’s causing you that anxiety - if that makes sense?

I hope my reply somehow made you feel better and I really hope that you can have your fandom space and enjoyment back 🫶🫶🫶🫶

[clemblog]

Caine’s Lesson - Part 9

•

Pomni was finally setting out on her first adventure with Gummigoo, Max and Chad. It was a big day!!

She sat atop her horse, Jingles with a small belt around her waist to support her pistol which was in its holster. Gummigoo was beside her, fussing over his horse Tang. The pair were waiting for Max and Chad to get their steeds ready. Max’s was named Sour and Chad’s was named Horse. Very fitting.

“Sooo.” Began Pomni, sheepishly. “What exactly are we doing on today’s ride?”

“We’re gonna be scouting for resources and citizens if all goes well Poms.” Hummed Gummigoo, giving Tang some affectionate pats from where he sat in his saddle.

“R-Right, I remember now-“ She nodded with a hum. “That’s why me and you have saddle bags, mhm? And why Max and Chad don’t?”

“You’d be correct, we never know what you’ll find out there in terms of resources. We learned the hard way back along when we found our first bunch of citizens and Chad had to leave his saddlebag at the location. Unfortunately, loosing said bag in the process. Usually it’d be just me with the bags, but now that you’re joining we’ll get twice as many supplies!”

Pomni nodded at this again with a smile.

“Y’know… The more I talk to you guys the less you seem like Bandits-“

“Huh, I guess you’re right there.” Mused Gummigoo. “It’s just what people have always called us.”

“How about, we just refer to our little four as… The Scouting Saviours? Cus you know- We go out for supplies, sometimes we come back with people too- So, The Scouting Saviours!”

“The Scouting Saviours, huh~? I like how you think Pommy! We’ll have to engrave it on our bags or something-“

Pomni snickered at this, rolling her eyes softly.

“I don’t know about that-“

“Nope, it’s happening. You’ll see!”

“Uh huh-“

Max and Chad were soon ready and the four headed out!

Pomni found it refreshing to be up so high and going so fast! Her new body from the circus had her feeling kind of small… In the sense that she was feeling a lot shorter and smaller now- But also in the sense that she felt helpless- But look at her now! She was out on a horse wielding a gun with her three buddies! They were helping people! Going on adventures!

Everything you’d want to see from a digital world! If you asked her-

Eventually Gummigoo, waved her to slow down, the four arriving at what looked to be an old run down orchard. It wasn’t far from the Candy Kingdom, so Pomni had to guess it was where a large portion of the kingdoms food came from.

“Alright lads, Pommy, you know what to do.” Grinned Gummigoo, chucking a saddle bag to Max and Chad. “Fill up on food and anything else that might be useful.”

“You got it boss!”

“Off we go!”

The two scrambled off to fill up on supplies.

“And we’ll cover over here, that alright with you Pommy?” Hummed Gummigoo, gesturing to a green house like building.

“Sounds good to me! Let’s get finding!”

It was a successful trip! Everyone had found a large collection of resources which were easily taken back home to be used by Ma and the Candy Kingdom Survivors. Max had only pierced himself a few times when picking the fruits, which luckily could be fixed with a smear of syrup! Apparently, syrup was the main medicine for the candy based creatures.

On the journey back Gummigoo explained how their skin was made from gelatine and that it only really got torn or pierced in most cases of injury. Which meant in most cases, maple syrup and the odd bandage or two would be used to patch up the injury and hold it together to heal. It was certainly an interesting mechanic! Pomni was curious to if it would work on her. She knew she couldn’t get hurt in the circus, but since she’d been here so long, that may change-

She’d just have to wait and see-

•

Ragatha, Gangle, Kinger and Zooble were interrupted in their little happy get together. By one of Caine’s adventure portals dropping Jax right into the centre of it.

“Ughh.. Something is definitely wrong with Caine.” Grumbled Jax, rolling onto his back.

“JAX!- What happened?” Spoke Kinger, making everyone jump with his initial yell.

“I don’t know- He sent me on a solo adventure- It was [————-] awful. I can’t count on my two hands how many times the adventure restarted because I almost died-“

“That’s no good.” Frowned Zooble.

“Y-You sound exhausted Jax, you should lie down.” Spoke Gangle, shying into Zooble’s side.

“For once ribbons, I agree with you.” Muttered Jax, dragging himself over to a bean bag near the group.

“J-Just shout if you need us!” Hummed Ragatha, anxiety clearly back on her mind. WAS POMNI OKAY???

“Take a deep breath Ragatha, I’m sure Pomni is fine.” Spoke Kinger, in another moment of clarity. He put his hands around her side, pulling her to rest her head on his shoulder. He hoped the gesture would make her sleepy enough to go to sleep. A break from the worry. Another building block between her and falling into insanity. From her and abstraction.

Gangle looked to Zooble with worry, slowly shuffling closer to sit by her and continue with her doodles. The almighty Jax knocked off his feet by one solo adventure courtesy of Caine. A Caine who definitely didn’t seem sound of mind at the slightest. Gangle really hoped Pomni would be okay- Maybe she’d ask Jax what kind of adventure Caine sent him on- And why it was so bad- Hopefully… he wouldn’t be a [——] about her trying to care.. Although… Zooble had been super helpful in talking to her about how to deal with Jax’s general sass and sense of human. Aka being a giant [——-]. So, hopefully it’d be easier to talk to him!

That’s why Gangle liked Zooble so much- She was helpful and fun to talk with!! All in all, she was just the best~

Wait a minute it kinda sounded like she was starting have feelings for-

Oh no-

Part 10

[youraveragebtsstan]

My Buddie Babies: Let's Talk (Post 9-1-1 S7E5 Commentary)💕

First of all, Hi Girlies! How are we doing on this fabulous, fabulous day? After all, another day where BiBuck is canon is another day in paradise. Am I right? Of course, I am! 🥰🥰🥰

In all seriousness, I just wanted to reflect and comment on a few things I noticed on Tumblr after S7E5 aired. A few fellow Buddie Stans were a little iffy on this week's episode for a few reasons, but I wanted to touch on a couple. And I know no one really cares about my opinion, but as someone who's been ABSOLUTELY CHOMPING AT THE BIT for Buddie since Eddie joined the 118, I feel like this is warranted.

First things first: Marisol...

Now hear me out, I know Eddie's past relationships haven't been the best. (Hell, some might even say not entertaining)- but I really feel this season is more focused on Eddie's growth than the actual relationship between Marisol and Eddie itself. Does that make sense?

Like, as someone who loves to write, I see Marisol as a plot device- she's here to push Eddie in the right direction. (Now if that happens to be into Bucks arms, I sure won't be complaining.) But even if it doesn't, that's fine too. To me, it's clear Eddie's relationships have failed for a reason- and that reason being Eddie. This whole nun thing with Marisol, though funny as hell to me, was a realization for Eddie that he moves way too fucking fast. I mean, he asked her to move in, then wanted to shack up at Buck's place for a couple days to avoid seeing her at home! His conversation with Bobby proved that when he said it himself. He rushed things with Shannon, he rushed things with Anna and now he's doing the same thing with Marisol. Eddie needs time to get his shit together first, then we can make Buddie canon.

Now on to my second point: Buddie.

I know some people are disappointed Eddie hasn't expressed feelings for Buck yet, but I'm kind of happy he hasn't. I would HATE it if Eddie and Buck got into a relationship, only for Eddie to unintentionally rush things. We already know Buck has abandonment issues and I would be so floored if Eddie realizes he's moving too fast only to pull away. Our boys are precious and deserve the world- but only in due time...

Let's face it, Eddie and Buck are rather impulsive and with their job it makes sense- they have to be reactionary, quick thinking; but when it comes to this relationship shit, it hasn't benefited them in the slightest. The boys need time to figure things out.

Though I'd love to see it, we don't NEED Buddie this season. BuckTommy fulfills my 'Happy Buck' quota and any day Eddie is on screen is a good day indeed.

We've survived 6 seasons of the Great FOX Queerbait Slow Burn- so one more won't kill us. After all, 9-1-1 was just renewed for season 8! So, with Tim Minear as the show runner, I'm hopeful.

...So that's it. That's all the food for thought I've got for today. I just had to get that off my chest.

See you next time queers! Tootaloo 🤡

[dejablonde]

So I had to write a personal narrative for composition class. I wrote about post-ritual depression leading to a career change, and I thought ghumblr might enjoy. It's only 763 words (after padding it out with some extra academic phrasing) but I don't want to clog your feeds too much so it's below the cut.

"Have you ever like something so much that it rewired your brain?"

            Have you ever liked something so much that it rewired your brain? I can’t pinpoint exactly when I first heard the band called “Ghost,” but it was most likely sometime in 2022. I think the first video (from whichever of the dozen algorithms we get our content from today) pushed to my feed was their performance on Jimmy Kimmel, where they played their song Call Me Little Sunshine. I was taken aback by their theatrical look and sound. I listened to a few more songs, became a casual listener, and even bought their latest album when I came across it at Josey Records. What I can pinpoint, however, is the day I turned feral: April 9, 2023, Easter Sunday.

            Being only a casual listener still, I was curious as to what was going on when I saw that Ghost was trending on Tumblr. As I scrolled through the tag, it became more and more clear that, not only had they had dropped new music, but a new music video to match, almost entirely without warning: a cover of Phil Collins’ Jesus He Knows Me. Of course, I had to listen. From the driving intro into the first verse, to the poppy chorus, to the lyrics addressing hypocrisy from the church and its leaders, it was almost like twenty-eight years of religious trauma were healed in four minutes and five seconds, as if it were that easy. I wasn’t cured, but they certainly made a dent. I listened to it on repeat and branched into the rest of their discography.  After two weeks, I finally caved and bought myself a pit ticket to their upcoming Dallas tour date.

            When the day finally came, five months later, I could barely contain myself. I felt if I could leap hard enough, I would jump right out of my skin. I had taken advantage of the fact that I had the previous day off from work and pretended that I was taking a small trip for Labor Day. This allowed me the day off for the concert. My employers already think I’m strange enough; I didn’t see any need to make it worse by asking for time off to line up for a concert by a Satanic rock band hours early on a Tuesday. Despite the 103-degree weather that day, I made it to the general admission line around noon. I chatted with my new line buddies over the next several hours about the band, how we got into them, and a little bit about our lives in general over the water that the venue security provided. For the first time in a while, I was surrounded by people like me.

            They say that concerts can be a religious experience. I’m not sure I agree, but they’re not exactly wrong. It really is overwhelming, or at least can be. Many aspects are similar, if not the same. Between the community and camaraderie with your fellow “congregants” and the feeling of the music all the way down to your bones, there’s certainly something that happens internally. This concert (or ritual, as Ghost fans lovingly call them) was no exception. After all, when you’re a stone’s throw away from your obsession, bathed in light and confetti, you can’t help but feel a little changed.

            Post-concert depression is a very real and powerful force. It’s even stronger when you come back to work after finally feeling happy and rested only to be met with snideness not even fifteen minutes into the day. I was already dealing with years of declining morale. I wanted to be happy again, like I was the night before. I started looking at job postings immediately. I nearly got one in the same field but interviewed poorly. Eventually, I decided to make up for lost time and try to make a move into what my high-school-aged-self wanted. Or at least something close. Unfortunately, even though apprenticeship-type situations are common in the music industry, it’s very hard to break in without any kind of provable experience. I looked into some recording technology schools but didn’t really feel the need to go into debt on a loan for them. I was about to lose hope, but then I had a lightbulb moment and found that Dallas College has a program for Recording Technology. My application and registration were late in the game, but I was able to squeeze in before the start of this semester. Now, I’m finally doing something I want to do, and it’s all thanks to a funky little Swede in black and white makeup.

[spiffysoultarot]

Find a troll, pick it up, all day long, you have good luck 🪺 —> Pick a Troll

Sorry #3, I started this reading a year ago and never finished it and finally decided to post it cause I didn’t wanna waste effort😬

Pile 1: Spiffy the Sailor//Light Seer’s

🫖 I pulled a tea quote, a quarter and then a movie quote to feel out Pile One’s vibe today:

The quarter is Utah and their state bird is a California Gull aka a seagull.

—> Q1: how does pile one give their power away? King of cups (R)

—> Q2: what can help balance out pile one’s emotions? Annunaki (R)

🦤The seagull is Utah’s official state bird due to saving the State during the katydid (Mormon cricket) devastation of 1848, according to Utah’s website. (https://onlinelibrary.utah.gov/utah/symbols/bird/) The pests were destroying the crops but the seagulls ate the crickets, saving the crops and the town. (

🧺Similar to Tommy Boy in that everyone kinda doubted him. Maybe it was different in 1848 but I know where I grew up, seagulls were sort of looked at as pests. They did not cause harm but were greedy and could pester folks outside.

👯‍♀️ The dynamic between Tommy and Richard is coming to mind. Richard is a “smug, unhappy little man who treats others as if they were idiots” - paraphrasing of course. Tommy is a jovial albeit slightly immature college graduate who has come to work at his fathers company. They went through secondary school together in their small town and were at opposite ends of the social spectrum, and thus sort of did not exist to each other.

⚖️ Ultimately they balance out each other nicely though: Richard has the rigid pragmatism Tommy lacks, and Tommy had the ruthless optimism Richard lacks. 👌🏻Some damn good character chemistry of buddy comedies, if you ask me, but I’m not the remaining 51% on Rotten Tomatoes. The audience is at a 90% though. Most of the pull comes from nostalgia undoubtedly.

9️⃣ The ‘90s is one of the most sought after decades of recent times. I find it interesting that in the 1890’s a similar thing happened and would eventually lead to people referring to that time as the “gay” era in some way as in happy. That is extra interesting because 9’s represent an ending.

🍿 Look at the majority of popular films in the last decade — are not a good portion of them remakes from the 90s?

👹Upright the Annunaki quite literally speaks of how their people created a hybrid workforce that “was smart enough to follow directions but stupid enough to rebel” (Mystic Martian Oracle Deck © Lisa Porter, Rockpool Publishing, 2021) The Annunaki are in alignment with the Alpha Draconians and Reptile Beings mindset, sort of like Emperor reversed energy— power, control, black-and-white thinking, disliking those that mess up the conformity and the audacity to question their authority.

🌅 Reversed Annunaki speaks of cooperation, fairness, compromise, unity, open-minded, progressive thinking. The belief that everyone is equal and deserves to be treated equally. What might help is seeking out like-minded people and/or organizations with similar values.

🚙 Similar to Tommy Boy! I would totally say he’s a 9. Kinda like Amity vibes from Divergent too.

🍷King of Cups Reversed energy can speak of someone moody, temperamental and hasty with others feelings —> Richard in a nutshell, right? It can also speak of old wounds, which he likely carries from childhood. He sort of unfairly treats Tommy due to jealousy from not having the caring, loving father he did.

💍 Fun fact: Sea gulls typically mate for life, equally caring for their chicks. However, sometimes it does not work out between the pair. Afterward they are typically seen as less attractive and left alone for a few nesting seasons as a “sea gull divorcee.” (Source: https://www.birdspikesonline.co.uk/Blog/Understanding-the-seagull-and-its-behaviour)

📕Honesty and being genuine is key here. Patience may be necessary too, especially if you’re resonating more with the Richard side. A need to believe in yourself if you’re doubting.

🌏The Annunaki are from the planet Nibiru, a distant planet that enters our solar system every 3600 years and was thought to have caused the great deluge, according to the Mystic Martian Oracle deck (© Lisa Porter, Rockpool Publishing, 2021). I looked up what the great deluge was and according to Wikipedia (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flood_myth ), it was a flood sent by a deity to destroy civilization in means of divine retribution. I wanted to share the image:

Pile 2: Bunny troll//Rider-Waite

What do you want to talk about pile 2?

Romy and Michelle quote —> one of my personal favorites

Moral of the story? Missouri quarter

Missouris state bird is a cardinal — Missouri and six other states.

Second arch signification today. Utah had an arch in pile one. Arches signify new opportunities or phases in life.

What does pile two need to know?

Five of wands clarified by fourth house

Past energy: four of pentacles clarified by queen of cups

Present: four of swords reversed

Future: Empress clarified by Ace of Pentacles reversed

Hidden money matters can sum it up.

Five of wands actually signifies great wealth and is like a play fight this is the overall context gold, gain, opulence, the competition and search after riches…. And fourth house

I find it funny that Venus came out on the dice for the present energy and that the Empress came out with the Libra dice because that quarter I have is ugly af. I thought that I put the shiny, pretty Missouri quarter back but apparently I put the dark, ugly one in - I had duplicates.

Something is not as it seems here and absolutely hidden. The fourth house talks about hidden matters, death, parents, home.

Given that almost every single card on the spread is associated with finances (except queen of cups), I am going to say this has something to do with money.

The past signifies a fair, honest upbringing that may have appeared nice on the outside. Either material struggle was present or a vital support was missing. Neglect can be emotional too — ignoring your kids and just placating them is sort of cruel because you are not actually seeing them.

The fact that Venus rules Empress and the Libra dice clarified it, is a very good signification. Venus rules Libra so it’s in its domicile. Ace of Pentacles (R) actually speaks of great riches. So the future to this outcome is great. It’s supported on both “ends” too:

5 of wands to left speaks of affluence as does the ace of pentacles (R) so it is confirmed.

Be sure to watch out for the small details to ensure you aren’t being deceived, possibly by promise of great riches.

All that glitters isn’t gold, and not everything is what it seems. Remain vigilant in the present, focusing on loving yourself and doing what brings you joy.

With the taking of the burger (when it’s Romys favorite lunch day!) was unnecessarily cruel and petty in the film Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. I see you moving AWAY from this energy.

Four of swords reversed can signify a need for greed but also speaks of precaution and discernment.

In Romy and Michelle, they have each other they can trust each other. The queen of cups dynamic is present within them, they have their friendship but not riches.

I am honestly not one to try to fill my audience with false hope to simply garner likes. The cards have spoken, I listened and relayed the best I could.

[kfedup]

Mondaying

Ginger is struggling today. Typically on weekdays she gets to spend a few hours with Bowie at my ex's house. This weekend we put Bowie down. His cancer progressed very quickly over the last few weeks and it was past time. Chris found an incredible retired vet couple who came to the house and helped make it all so kind and normal. Ginger was there and got to sniff him before and after, but she also has limited object permanence and misses her time with her buddy. We all do, sweet girl. We all do.

I really struggled with it. I think I'm through the worst of it, but holy shit I was not expecting how this would bring up so many feelings about my marriage ending. Fuck off, it's been 9 years already. But I realized that I haven't actually cried much about it and hoo boy, this last week has been a real soaker. I once again need to thank Peter Gabriel for opening something in me that's been locked up for years with his amazing i/o concert.

A huge part of the struggle came from having to share the process with his wife and the energy of ownership she brought with her. I wonder if she struggled with my energy, too. I don't care enough to ask. I don't like her. I've never liked her. And earlier in the week we crossed paths and she complained about him to me in a way that seemed like she wanted me to commiserate with her. Over the man she... well... anyway, I'm ready to stop telling that story, so I'll start now and just say some people are too dumb for words.

I just got back from my bi-annual primary care well visit and my doctor and I both agree that I'm doing amazing, sweetie. Most of the long covid shit has finally begun to clear. I'm still having a hard time with cardio/heart rate issues and still getting week-long clusters of ocular migraines, but otherwise, I am better than ever. Coming up on 3 years of sobriety and nearly a year into daily exercise and meditation on top of the long-established dog walks. Sleeping better. Eating slightly less emotionally. Working to bring the meditation practice into the day outside of my sitting time; to walking, cooking, eating, working, listening, talking, or whatever the hell I'm doing in the process of living, is honestly geeking me the fuck out. Planning ahead to do a nice long silent meditation retreat next year.

That said, the wanting/craving for connection is constant. I keep seeing that meme that says something like don't awaken the love in a woman unless you intend to actually work to love her and goddamn. Trying so hard to not be a giant ball of resentment about it, but phew, it realllllly sucks to have someone make the play and then back off.

There's a spectacular golden hour happening right now. We just walked in it for a bit.

What's for dinner? I'm ravenous and I do not want to cook.

Happy Monday, mutuals.

[golbrocklovely]

haven't posted one of these in a while so…

here’s more of colby’s tweets from 2020.

i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.

if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.

if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol

added bonus: if they have a * next to them, that means it’s been deleted

~~~~~~~~~~~

July 3 - me and my homies have pillow fights in hotel rooms

fan: TELL ME TO GO TO BED

GO TO BED!

decided to take a walk alone in palm springs CA tonight, almost got mugged by two dudes. i’m okay and back at my hotel! PSA don’t wander off alone in a foreign area without friends.

fan: @/ColbyBrock why is your foot scarred up

had to run, i’ll explain later i promise

other fan: damn what shoes were you in or were you in no shoes

barefoot like an idiot 🤦🏻‍♂️

Cactus: 1 Colby Brock: 0

July 8 - fallin in love is so beautiful but can bring so much pain

maybe that’s why i’m so closed off

emotionally unavailable cause i’m scared to fall so deep again

fan: But the pain brings a drive unlike any other

facts

fan: Who hurt our baby🥺😠

no one .. just circumstances out of my control

July 9 - i miss japan everyone is so nice there

July 11 - new hair hi

@/mannymua733: colby in purple hair : “r u lost baby girl” me : 👁👄👁

hahahah

July 12 - life is a movie and YOU are the main character

July 13 - @/allylovesit: Miss you lol @/ColbyBrock

i miss you!

July 14 - leaving a ghost town and ended up with two flat tires. seems something didn’t want us to go so soon

July 16 - don’t settle for any less than you deserve !

manifest the person you want to be, and become them

July 17 - i love my LGBTQ fans !

(a whole month after pride? tsk tsk colby lol jk)

fan: @/AmberScholl can you and @/ColbyBrock plz do this tik-tok trend😂

@/amberscholl: @/ColbyBrock u down ??

you just wanna see me in a dress huh ;)

@/amberscholl: in my dress, specifically

July 18 - if you’re at war with yourself in your own mind, time really makes things get better.. promise.

July 21 - keep having this same dream over the course of the past 2 years. not sure what to think

July 22 - i’m in a really deep Michael Jackson phase right now and i don’t know why

stop pulling my heart strings 1D

July 23 - someone said i looked like a 19 year old uncle yesterday 💀

(what does this even mean sksksk)

i haven’t seen this much happiness on social media in a LONG time. thank you one direction.

fan: Serious question: what’s ur favorite song by them?

rock me ! or up all night

getting a big tattoo tonight

July 24 - for me and my best friend. (pics of his tattoo that's about him and sam)

July 27 - fan: i lose sleep every night knowing @/ColbyBrock hasn’t said what his favorite song from harry styles is 😪

sign of the times 🖤

July 28 - let’s forget who we are

July 30 - i miss the deep talks at 3am with someone special where you get the feeling of being high on life just from being so deep in conversation 🛸

Aug. 1 - what’s up guys it’s sam and colby

Aug. 3 - fan: I wonder if @/ColbyBrock thinks he’s hot, cute, or both👀 I’m expecting an answer sir

none of the above

we lost one of our little kitties today :/ RIP scar, you deserved a better life. hope you’re eatin all the tuna you can imagine you in heaven #trapcats

Aug. 6 - if i can, then you can too

Protect Your 🖤

Aug. 7 - i hate when people talk behind my back

Aug. 10 - tired

Aug. 13 - kingdom hearts

@/mannymua733: that's the tweet

love u

(miss colby and manny having interactions, ngl)

ever since our feral cat Scar passed away the other cats hardly show up anymore 💔

Aug. 16 - i feel like most alive when i’m the most uncomfortable

Aug. 17 - our neighbors are so scary, saw this old woman in a nightgown running around at 10pm last night not making a sound .. please SOS

*Aug. 21 - #teamcolby is back? let us know if you want a mini prank war to happen …

@/jakewebber9: i thought we left pranks behind, now u got it coming for ya buddy

guys he called me his “buddy” 🖤😱😚

Aug. 25 - just got my photo shoot pics back 👀

Aug. 27 - in the end the answer will always be and has always been love

Aug. 30 - i will never ever understand why someone would take the time to hate on another person for absolutely no reason

don't just say it, prove it. stand behind it

Sept. 1 - (posted some shirtless photoshoot pics)

@/mannymua733: seeing this photo on my timeline… (video of him closing his mouth)

lmaooo

@/DavidAlvareeezy shut up and kiss me

😗

Sept. 3 - why do i kinda like the tattoo pain

Sept. 7 - there’s some memories that no matter how hard i try, they will never leave me alone

(oh damn even i forgot this one… poor baby)

Sept. 9 - everything can feel so heavy

Sept. 13 - the old XPLR vibes are back and it feels so good 😈

Sept. 14 - always in my head

Sept. 15 - man i missed traveling so much

Sept. 16 - sometimes i don’t mind wearing a mask in public cause it hides my face

Sept. 17 - don’t forget to question everything

fan: @/ColbyBrock can you do me a favor and call me a bitch again

you’re a lil bitch

Sept. 20 - @/mannymua733: i think i need to glam @/ColbyBrock and @/SamGolbach

👀👀👀

Sept. 21 - such a beautiful day in Los Angeles i hope everyone is feeling okay !

Sept. 22 - you can’t help it if your mind changes

Sept. 24 - “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that” -Martin Luther King Jr.

Sept. 28 - i just have no idea where i’d be without you

[crinkled-emotions]

Can I request number 5. and 8. from the prompt list for Roo please?

BTW saw you're writing for 911 and that you mentioned a crossover potentially. Just know I would definitely be here for that!!😍

I am considering it! I'm just trying to y'know, work the logistics lmaoooo. For example- who is Jake going to hit on this time?? All the options... Joking!

In other news- I wrote only 9-1-1 for like... I would say 18 months? Just under half of my fics on AO3 are for 9-1-1 😂 it's my comfort show alongside Outer Range hahahaha.

I've been in a bit of a slump with my writing lately but I put in my Airpods today and I realised it's because I'm easily distracted by background noise... and now three fics have been churned out in the last twenty minutes 😂

5. "Spoonful of honey" and 8. "Lap/chest pillow".

Get keen!! And Happy Holidays!

I did go a little Hangster here, just to try it out. It was fun! I’d be down to write more I think?

-

Rooster was half-asleep in the breakfast queue, kind of hoping Hangman would load his plate for him considering he felt like he was going to go down like a sack of spuds. Splat, on the cheap linoleum floor that was never properly cleaned. Truly, he could get sicker from lying on that-

"Roo, you want eggs or are you eating air today?"

Bradley startled, glancing at Jake who sighed and reached for his plate.

"Tell me what you want, I'll get it for you. Go sit down."

Immediately Bradley felt like he was in trouble and tried to take his plate back but Jake was firm.

"Go, it's okay. Wake up a little more, think Javy and Tash already got coffee for us."

Bradley left the line, subtly slipping past everyone else and knowing Jake would get him exactly what he wanted. He might have been an asshole but he knew what Bradley would eat and what he wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Natasha and Javy were sitting at a table in the middle of the room and Bradley made his way over to them, frowning as he scratched at his nose. He felt like he had to sneeze, but it wasn't coming. Natasha smiled, scooting over on the bench seat to make room for him. Bradley groaned, burying his head in his arms on the table.

“I'm so tired,” he complained. He heard something drag across the table, and then a steaming cup of coffee was pressed into his hand.

“This should help,” Natasha said. Bradley lifted his head enough to thank her but she was already frowning.

“Are you sure you’re just tired?” She asked softly. He shrugged.

“Think so.”

“Hm, alright. Maybe take some Tylenol, you’re flushed like you’ve got a fever.”

“Alright, I come with breakfast and ketchup.”

Jake appeared from the queue, placing Bradley’s plate to the side as well as passing the bottle of ketchup over to Javy.

“Please don’t tell me you’re gonna put that on my eggs.”

“Okay, then I won’t tell you that,” Javy said with a grin at his best friend. Jake rolled his eyes, attention going back to Bradley when he didn’t immediately start eating.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Throat hurts, feel like I can’t swallow.”

Jake, Javy and Natasha all frowned with concern but subtly moved away ever so slightly.

-

The pain in his throat didn’t go away, despite the way Bradley tried to keep up with his water consumption. Natasha offered to make him tea but when he’d just grimaced she’d rolled her eyes and called him a macho man, but not in the good way- the way that told him he was being an asshole. When he’d tried to apologise for being difficult she was gone, swallowed by the crowd of people around them. That had left him, Jake and Javy, but Javy was called away to an individual assessment after lunch which just left Bradley and Jake. They’d never been best buddies skipping in a field whilst holding hands (that was a scary thought), but Bradley needed him right then and when they had a gap in their schedule he reached for Jake’s shoulder, giving him a gentle tug.

“Can you tell the CO I’m going to the infirmary? I feel like shit, pretty sure I’m gonna lose my voice.”

Jake frowned.

“Yeah, you got it. Text me if you need something.”

“Thanks...”

Bradley separated from him, heading against the grain of the rest of the hallway. Jake watched him until he too was swallowed into the crowd, then headed to class. He had shit to do if he was going to graduate at the top, as he should.

-

“Bradshaw, what can I do for you?”

“Uh, I don’t think I should be going in the air today. Sir.”

The doctor frowned, reaching the back of his palm up to feel Bradley’s forehead for a fever.

“Well, just by my guess I’d say you have a fever. How long have you been feeling sick?”

“I couldn’t sleep last night but I thought it was just...”

Bradley trailed off and the doctor cleared his throat.

“I read your file, if you’re having trouble sleeping due to nightma-”

“-I’m not. It’s fine.”

The doctor didn’t look entirely convinced but let it be, instead working his fingers down Bradley’s jaw to feel his glands.

“What did your callsign end up being? I heard whispers of Duck or Honk for a little while there.”

“Rooster, sir.”

The doctor smiled, pulling away to scribble some notes and grab a wooden tongue depressor.

“Alright, you know what I’m going to do with this.”

Bradley opened his mouth and waited while the doctor examined his tonsils, eyes darting awkwardly around the room. There was no easy way to get your mouth examined, he’d learned in his years in the Navy. He kind of wished Natasha was with him, he was used to her sitting in the waiting room nearby.

“It looks to me like you’ve got tonsillitis, Bradshaw,” the doctor mused when he was done.

“Tonsillitis? That means...”

“Grounded, kid, at least until the swelling in your throat goes down. I wouldn’t feel good letting you up there while you’re having trouble breathing through your nose. The best thing you could do right now is go back to bed and get some sleep while everyone’s out.”

“Is it contagious?” Bradley whispered.

“Not the tonsillitis itself, but I’d say you’ve had a very mild cold the last couple days. Have you been a little more lethargic than usual, not eating as much?”

“Yeah...”

“Let’s get you some antibiotics. Fair warning; they’re disgusting, but apparently everyone around here takes them with honey which I don’t have a problem with. Honey might soothe your throat a little too. Other than that, bed rest until your fever breaks and your throat doesn’t feel like it’s on fire.”

“Yes sir. Thank you.”

“Not a problem. Keep drinking lots of water, we want to flush out your system.”

The doctor scribbled on a prescription pad, then ripped the sheet off and passed it to Bradley.

“Give this to the pharmacist, then to bed. Clear?”

“Yes sir.”

-

The medicine was indeed vile, even with the honey. Part of Bradley wondered if he’d throw up just from the taste of the medicine, but when his stomach didn’t give any warning signs he tracked back to the room he shared with Jake and curled up in his bunk on the bottom, grimacing at the way his pillow was lumpy and his mattress like a brick. Jake’s was so much better- not that he’d, y’know, slept on Jake’s bunk. He wasn’t speaking from experience it just looked comfy. Mmhmm.

When he stirred again, it was dark outside despite the window’s blinds being open, and Jake was stripping out of his uniform.

“Hey,” he called over his shoulder, “how are you feeling?”

Bradley paused, considering the question for a moment.

“Not great, everything hurts,” he confessed. Jake frowned.

“Why are you in your bunk? You could have used mine, I don’t mind.”

“It didn’t feel right without you.”

Jake froze, looking at Bradley in the mirror.

“Roos...”

“I didn’t think I was allowed to, I’m on bed rest for at least the next couple days.”

“Alright, then scoot over.”

Bradley scooted back on his bunk to press his back against the wall and Jake climbed in with him, lying on his back and extending an arm out.

“C’mere, sweetheart. Yeah, there ya go. Is that better?” He whispered as Bradley settled on his chest, tense until he melted into Jake’s touch.

“Mmhmm. Thanks.”

“Yeah, yeah of course, Roo. I’m sorry you got sick.”

Not even Natasha called him Roo, or Roos. It was only ever Jake.

As Bradley drifted back to sleep, he felt lips pressed to his forehead and an arm come around to support his hips.

He wondered if they’d survive TOPGUN together.

-

It turned out the answer was no.

Five years later, at the Hard Deck, Rooster was reminded of why he’d left Jake- no, Hangman, all those years ago. Simultaneously, Hangman was reminded of why he’d left Bradley.

And it hurt.

[missangelcat]

Mr Cold

Pov : you are jungkook's wife and He hate you alot and torture you because of many reasons for that read the whole book in Wattpad (Mr. Cold)

Jungkook: yn listen tonight you have to go a business party with me my friend Lee Jong suk came back to Korea after a long time so i want to you be to be presentable in the party the dress will be delivered by this afternoon keep yourself ready till evening

Yn : your order will be done sir

Jungkook: and yes behave as my wife in the eye of world we are a happily married couple

I remained silent and he leaves for the office

Later in Evening

Yn pov :

I wore the dress jungkook send to me

and tied up my hair

Jungkook Pov

Ive been waiting for her since 10 minutes it's already 9:00 pm we are late for party why ladies take so much time to get ready then i hear heel footsteps

Homo she is looking pretty i just stare her for 5 mins and forget how much friction we have then i realised no Jungkook wake up all girls are slut and gold digger and yn one of them

She sit in the back seat of the car i never want her to sit with me in the front sit but she also never ask for that

Her scent God why she is damn attractive today

We reached there

Jungkook: we reached

She remain silent

Jungkook: i Know yn there is nothing between us but we both have to be as a happy married couple it's for my business act like my wife Got that

She remain silent

Jungkook: GOT THAT

YN POV :

He loud up his voice and i got scared what if he beat me like my mother did

I get nostalgic about the day when Mr and Mrs Jeon came for my relation and how my mother agrees me for marriage with jungkook

Jungkook: i think you are not listening

He forcefully pressed my cheeks between his hand and again ask me

Jungkook: Got that my dear wifey

I nodded my head in afraid

Jungkook: Good girl

He open the car door for me and leads me to the hall like a very caring and loving husband then someone shout from behind

??? : Hey Jungkook!

He turned around

Jungkook : Suk how are you after a long time

Lee dong suk : im fine buddy and she maybe your wife (whispering : damn hot )

Jungkook: Huh

Lee dong suk : Nothing buddy you got your self pretty wife . Hii I'm Lee Doung suk .

Everytime he just checking me out he is staring me from head to toe I'm feeling so uncomfortable

Yn : Nice to meet you Mr Suk im yn

Jungkook: Jeon yn Jungkook full name wifey

He just stared jungkook and take my hand and kiss it and it's not a gentle kiss it's sucking he tried to suck my hand i tried to remove my hand from his grip but he that damn strong that he won't even let anyone think that what he is doing finally he left hand and again open his mouth for fliterous comments

Lee dong suk: i just listen that Indian girl are kinda attractive but today i also saw that they are kinda very damn attractive

Jungkook left and started talking with other business men he left me with that jerk who is trying to seduce me what kind of husband he is oh i forgot he didn't accept me as his wife

Lee dong suk pov

Oh my god i never see that damn hot girl in my life i don't know how jungkook resist himself for not touching her i know everything about them they just acting as happy married couple it's all written on yn face that jungkook is still affected by his past

Lee dong suk: if you don't mind i take you to the table or you have a plan to stand whole party like that

Yn : i Dont mind

I take her to the last table

Lee dong suk: so when you come Korea

Yn : 3 year later

Lee dong suk: you might comfortable with Korean peopl e or still find difficult to adjust

Yn : if I'm feeling uncomfortable then why i marry a Korean young man

Lee dong suk: oh ... One second pardon me i have a little work

I go to the bartender and put 7000 on his pocket

Bartender : Sir Sir

Lee dong suk: kept it

I put a white powder in red wine and show the red wine glass to the bartender

Lee dong suk : Make sure the girl who is wearing black dress should drink it

Bartender: ok sir

I go back to the table

Lee dong suk: Sorry lady actually urgent call

Then the waiter serve us with glass of wine

Lee dong suk: please have some

The waiter put the same glass at her front and she took a sip from her rosy red lips oh God i am just thinking how she taste

Yn pov :

Warning: Sexual assualt don't read if you are not comfortable with that stuff

Suddenly everything started blurring

Yn : i want to go washroom

Lee dong suk : don't worry lady i will take you

Lee dong suk:

I put my hands on her waist and instead of taking her to the washroom i take her to the up floored room which is totally black nice place to fuck some one

Lee dong suk : Don't worry my lady i will be very soft to you

I touch her waist and hips and take out the handcuffs from the drawer ever single thing made me lip bite

I put the handcuffs to her hands and tied her to the bed I'm just admiring her body my hands can't wait to touch she is totally left unconscious oh God i miss the moans

I removed my coat my shirt and

I started first removing her clothes and just left her in her bra and panty which is also will be on her body for less than 10 mins

I suck her neck and touched her clothed breast oh God she Got beautiful boobs and put my hands under her bra cloth and stared massaging still sucking her neck then trailing down the kiss to her waist and down and down i kiss her thigh inner area i lick her area and start touching her with my finger i removed my pant then but even a single second away from her Making me more aggressive i again starting touching her God she is so tight what she is virgin then it's been very enjoyable to fuck her

I started playing with her underwear sting and started removing her panty

Then someone open the door agressively

Jungkook: YOU BASTARD ! HOW DARE YOU TO TOUCH MY WIFE

He punch me that hard that i fell on the ground and my nose started bleeding

Lee Dong suk : What I did nothing wrong i just try to give her that you never gave to her that pleasure that a husband should give to his wife

Jungkook: oh SHUT UP

Lee dong Suk: Actually you don't have dare to fuck her you cant give her that pleasure that I'm giving to her the s*x

He again punched my face that time i left unconscious

Jungkook pov :

I want to kill that bastard

Jungkook: yn !

I Cover her with blanket and see how cruel suk be on her the hickey god if there is no court i definately kill him

I wear her the dress and cover up with my coat

I lift her in my arms and without even a single interaction i take her to my car and put her in car front seat and start driving for home

Jungkook Pov :

Next evening

The thoughts of the words Lee jong suk said to me still getting in my mind . I am feeling so agressive that how he can say i can't give her pleasure of s*x i have no dare to fuck her wait and just watch I'm so damn dominated I'm the only one who can take her virginity tonight i will tell her how i fuck her so hard

I open the door of my bedroom and i see yn already there combing her hairs

Yn pov

Warning: Sexual assualt and domestic Violence don't read if you are not comfortable with that stuff

Jungkook open the door so agressively he close the door and started approaching towards

Yn : what happens Jungkook

Jungkook : Yn tell me who will take your virginity

Yn : what

Jungkook: tell me yn WHO WILL TAKE YOUR VIRGINITY !

He started arounding her arms across me

Jungkook: TELL ME!

He push me closer towards him and i could feel his warm breath on my face

Yn : what type of question is this

Jungkook: oh yeah you are IM YOUR HUSBAND SO OFF COURSE I WILL BE THE ONE WHO WILL FUCK YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME !

Yn : What jungkook have you losted yesterday you are the one who saved me from that jerk and today you are acting like a jerk

Jungkook: I am not a hero who saved you just for i care about you because I'm the only one who can torture you more than him

He trying to kiss me i tried to push him away he is not

Yn : Jungkook please don't do this NO ! NO

He started kissing my neck or i say sucking my neck on one side he make a dark mark i am just punching his back that is creating no effect to him

Yn : No please

He threw on the bed and start ripping my clothes and left me only in my undergarments the suck my neck waist and leaving dark mark on it i am just moving my hands my legs but it doesn't matter him

Jungkook: This will remind you whome property you are

He unclip my bra and start sucking my breast while massaging the other he pinched my nipple and i just moaned he find my soft spot he started sucking me and moving his tongue

Yn : JUNGKOOK YOU ARE... AAH JUST SEXUALLY ASSAULTING ME

Jungkook: you are really intelligent that you got that now Keep your mouth shut otherwise i will fuck you to your death

Yn : jungkook please don't NO ! AHH

I am still moving my hands , my legs punching his back

Jungkook: so you can't understand nah .. now wait

He took the small lengthy strip of clothes and bind my hands to the bed

Yn : Jungkook NO ! PLEASE HAVE A LITTLE MERCY ON ME PLEASE

He does not even listen once and bind my mouth with clothes to resist my voice

But I'm still shouting, screaming and crying

He again sucked my neck and touched my eyes and preventing me too see his devil personality

He trail down his lips to my waist and suck the portion just before my underwear his hands traveling down like the same way his lips he move his finger on my heat which make me damn clothed moan but he still enjoying it without even a single second he removed my underwear and eating me up his tongue exploring me God he is a super psycho he is sucking me all the way he can eating me up his tongue fucking so good

Now i stop myself from prevention he already admiring and staring my naked body in front of him and i can't do anything i become a bad women whoes virginity is going to taken tonight

I open eyes and i expecting to see his pervert face but i see the tears building up in his eyes he just move away from my body and unbind me and Remove the binded cloth from my mouth and say nothing just went away from the room i sat up and so shocked I'm breathing so heavily and started crying so loud that hard that even a person is in balcony can hear me

[changingplumbob]

Pancakes Household: Chapter 9, Part 11

To ditch career day... or to not ditch career day...

CW: Distressed infant

Since Tiana cannot speak her thoughts will often be in brackets

While Eliza and Bob have taken infant leave from their jobs, there is no such option for the teens. Fergus and Onyx pop their heads into the nursery where Bob is still rocking a sleeping Tiana and kiss her goodbye for the day. Then school awaits!

It looks like the Pancakes may have missed the outfit memo for today, oops. While Onyx heads off to find some friends Fergus tries to hastily finish the homework he neglected to finish. Unfortunately his friends are not much help this morning.

Anya: I look fabulous, thank you watcher

Artemisia: Are you staring at my best bracelet friend

Darwin: What? No. I was looking for the bus

Artemisia: Looking for the bus while we’re at school, unlikely

Atlas: I don’t think he meant anything by it

Fergus: Hold up- what did you guys get for 13?

Artemisia: Look dude, just keep your eyes to yourself

Darwin: Sure, and you can keep your venom to yourself

Outside the main building Onyx and Paola have some time relaxing.

Onyx: Aim for the centre

Paola: Of course I’m aiming for the centre dummy

Zhafira: Onyx! Hey! Look who caught the bus again successfully!

Zhafira approaches the pair beaming happily.

Onyx: Congrats. Did you hear they’re shuffling classes today

Zhafira looks downcast while Onyx explains the younger and older students will be having combined classes for the morning. They'll be with some of their friends but not Zhafira who seems upset at having to get to know even more new people.

As this is happening Mrs Tinker and Mrs Hensley come over and try give Paola some tips for successful throwing. Unfortunately they have contrasting opinions and in the end the teens decide the safest option is just to pretend they’ve gotten bored and head inside.

Onyx takes a quick swim before class and still manages to get to the room before the teacher begins the lesson.

Mrs T: Today we will be buddying up. Older students please join a younger student and we will begin designing a business for this scenario

Onyx: Mrs T can’t I just buddy up with Amie since she’s beside me

Mrs T: Sorry Onyx but Mr A wants to foster whole school cooperation, that's why we're having staggered classes this morning

Carson: I wish William had been put in here

Darwin: Don’t worry, we’ll see him at lunch

Carson: And I wish some outfits didn’t make my glasses vanish, it's like I've been dressed by a computer

After class wraps up Fergus goes to talk with Artemisia.

Fergus: I’m excited to see what we’ll learn this afternoon

Artemisia: *sighs* Don’t be too excited, it’s career day

Fergus: You’re not punking me, we only just started high school. There is no career day

Artemisia: I’m serious. I’m also thinking of skipping out on it

Fergus: We can do that?

Artemisia: I reckon I can, question is do you have the guts to

Fergus: Of course I do. Onyx was still feeling ill this morning so we can use that excuse to head home

Artemisia: May the best person not be caught

Back home Eliza is carrying Tiana when the infant fusses to be put down.

Eliza: Okay then, down we go

Tiana: *coos* (I coo now mother) *coos louder*

Eliza: Was that a coo? Was that a coo? I think it was *claps*

Tiana smiles and sticks her fingers in her mouth. Mother is pleased, she must be doing well. Even though mother keeps saying the word go, Tiana is happy they haven't seemed to leave the house.

Eliza is busy feeding Tiana when Fergus walks through the room.

Eliza: Hold on! What are you doing home?

Fergus: Umm, Onyx’s head got bad again so we came home so they could get a nap

Fergus walks over to the suckling infant and holds her hand for a bit. Tiana doesn't seem to grip back yet but she's looking at him curiously.

Eliza: You came home so Onyx could nap? I don’t think so. Onyx is capable of napping by themselves

Fergus: Fine, it was career day! I don’t need to worry about that yet. I’ll do extra homework tonight I promise

Eliza burps Tiana who spits up down her back.

Eliza: Ugh. it's okay honey, we can clean that up

Fergus: Want me to grab a cloth

Eliza: Please. Now I do not want you skipping school again, but since you’re here you can walk Strawberry since you're keen to help Onyx

Fergus: But I want to- *sighs* yes mother

The house is left quiet for Onyx’s nap while Bob takes Ginger for a run and Fergus takes Strawberry for a walk.

Eliza: Come on my snuggly sleeper. You get comfy back there and you can nap while mother does her run

Tiana: *coos questioningly* (wait, no, not outside! I don't want to leave) *cries* (I want to stay with mother)

Eliza: It's okay Tiana, mother is right here with you. We're just going to check out the neighbourhood huh. You'll be okay

Eliza jogs off and keeps talking to Tiana. Eventually the regular bouncing of the back carrier and the softness of Eliza's voice lull Tiana to sleep. Eliza is delighted to hear a quiet snuffling snore at her back as she runs.

Later that day...

Fergus: Dad?

Bob: Yes

Fergus: Umm, Tiana is crying. Don’t you think you should go give her a nap rather than carry her on your back

Bob: But- she’s learning with me though

Eliza: Fergus is right Bob, she’s exhausted. Better giver her to me

Bob: But I want to spend time with her

Eliza: And so you can, when she’s awake. You know she had a hard night, she needs to catch up on sleep still

Bob: *sighs* fine. Here Tiana honey, go with your mother *whispers* I'll teach you how to cook later though

Eliza carries a grumpy over tired infant into the nursery and sits down with her in the rocking chair.

Eliza: There there Tiana, it’s okay, you just go to sleep

Tiana: *coos* (mother came back with me, I not left behind) *yawns*

Eliza: It's okay my sleepy girl, mother is right here and daddy is just down the hall. You can sleep, I'll keep you safe

Tiana does feel very tired and so she yawns and falls asleep in Eliza’s arms. It may not be winning a Nobel Prize but Eliza feels pretty proud of finding time in her schedule to snuggle with her daughter.

The teens decided to do their homework at their own desks tonight! Fergus was working away on some science as he has a class trip to the aquarium tomorrow. Onyx meanwhile did their best to study for their exams. After Onyx felt like they could confidently say they were no longer sick they went and did some cheer practice. Later in the evening Tiana woke up.

After a diaper change Eliza gets Tiana into a clean night onesie and goes in search of Bob.

Bob: Thank you for the suggestion. She’s given us so much joy already

Kayleigh: No problem at all I- oh is this her?

Eliza: *grinning* Kayleigh may I introduce our youngest? This is Tiana

Kayleigh: Oh she is precious

Bob: Come to daddy, did you have a nice nap

Eliza: She’s still quite tired, I think she’ll need a proper sleep after her bottle

Bob: We can do that

Kayleigh: I best get going, see you all later

Bob: Can you say bye bye to Kayleigh

Tiana: *coos and snuggles into shoulder* (daddy is here, mother found him for me)

Bob: *chuckles* okay, food time then

Bob is delighted to see Tiana has a healthy appetite. He prepares himself to be spat on but to his surprise only gas comes out. Snuggling Tiana close he carries her down the hall and places her in her crib. He softly tells her another tall tale and the exhausted infant falls asleep happy with the sounds of fellow sims.

Previous ... Next

[castle-dominion]

c4x13 an embarrassment of bitches I have actually seen this one before! I didn't realize that! I also didn't really like it all that much & got it mixed up with another episode of another show but idk which.

boring ew lmao as if who cares lmao who cares

buttons is nonbinary Castle is right, be safe AC: We were going to take your Ferrari and hook up with some boys we met on Craigslist. buttons dutton lmao they are SO nonbinary RC: Please don’t call me that.

the girls are fightingggg

nice red coat on becks there autism or smth

Yeah keep the dog out of the room but dogs are the silent witness. ryan lookin pretty today as always. Purple shirt, top button undone but wearing a tie

this man is upset lol What was he into? On the take as in bribes? it's a dog... Ok this was funny: Just look at that mutt. XP Now back to my Max. UwU Now the mutt. XP That’s all the proof I need.

Oh gosh this lady is... something. Why'd she take a vid tho?

Next day? Different clothes it seems.

RC: Even more perplexing, why in almost every photo is she posed like this? *Castle strikes a ridiculous “sexy” pose in front of the paparazzi and they flock to snap his photo.* Paparazzo: Hey, that’s not Jason Bateman. Paparazzi: awwwwww

Love the music.

Reggie Starr: You two must be the, uh, soft drink people, right? KB: Actually, no. "We" are NYPD. We’re here to speak with Kay Cappuccio. RS: Oh, my bad. Uh…why don’t you just grab a squat right over there? KB: Excuse me? RS: Phoebe will bring you a goji berry juice. KB: You know what? I think I have a better idea. [Beckett steps forward into the photoshoot.] KB: Everybody, take five. RS: Whoa. Hold on a second. Kay Cappuccio doesn’t have five to spare. RC: How about 15 to 20? [That catches Reggie’s attention.] RC: And that goji berry juice sounds delightful.

Little dogs are just like that. RS looks sus there KC: Fine. We didn’t talk about anything, because he was already dead. KB: You found the body? KC: Yeah. KB: And you didn’t call 9-1-1? KC: No, I did as soon as I got into the limo. No harm, no foul, right? KB: You fled a crime scene. KC: All right. (chuckles) Have you heard the phrase, “There’s no such thing as bad press”? Having your picture taken with a dead guy is the exception. [idk if that is true, dead body doesn't seem so bad.] I have to be so careful with my image. My image is all I have. RC: Yeah. No, we were just talking about that.

Kate is pretty, turtleneck with a blazer. Rick is pretty, grey shirt with a blazer. Ryan is pretty, dress shirt+tie with a sweater. Espt is kinda grungy but I like it well enough. lol underdog? *hits espt* *espt looks at him bc "nobody touches me"* dr barker? Really? Lanie coming up with the doggo! They all look so happy to have the dog up here. RC: Or…we could keep him here at the precinct. I mean, we could use a mascot. JE: I thought that’s what you were. *dying laughing* RC: Thatwhat’s that? What’s that, buddy? Esposito’s sense of humor fell down a well and can’t get out? JE: ??

LP: Then you better find out what kind of food he eats, because he’s not touching the stuff I put out. KB: Well, there’s gotta be some food for him at Francisco’s place. Who wants to make a run for it? JE: To go get dog food? KB: [all three sort of at the same time] JE: Castle RC: Ryan KR: Esposito JE: *looks at ryan in betrayal bc they could have teamed up to send out castle* Ok the filipinos are right when they have that up hand down hand game that I don't understand. It's like evens & odds which is a game that I DO understand. Everyone puts in their hands & on three they put out a number of fingers, usually one or two. The odd one out is the winner. In this case they would be the loser though. Then once you eliminate that person you can do rock paper scissors. It works with three people or more but it might need a few rounds. You will always get rid of more than half of the people when playing odd one out. settle it like men lol. They don't count tho, rock paper scissors shoot. Espt: Snip

How did they not know who they were talking about? lmao She might still be a doctor! Yeah! Let the canine therapist talk to the dog! KB: Of your time, sure.

Becks has some crazy hair rn

RC: Tell me…did Francisco ever observe you during your sessions? PB: No. He waited outside. Why? Because either he was paying you too much or he had a pet play kink

Nice especkett is heading out here, love it. Espt has a nice scard rn btw. rly love it.

Oh no Growl right back at them bro.

Girl dogs are scary af running like obelix & asterix.

lmao dog breeding? srs? it was honest work <3 that guy passed away recently. the bug finder that ryan found

It could have been ANY time this morning ryan didn't specify.

Wow music. Wow people. Wow her walk. Ryan & espt's mouths lol. Royal sad. Booty. Ryan's device. Ooh & the way he picks it up nice nice.

ew dogs. RC: Tell me, does the phrase “corporate espionage” mean anything to you? KC: No RC: KC: No, seriously. I have no idea what it means. Why is ryan interrupting so awkwardly?

JE: Dude, look at that outfit. Where is she gonna put a wire? RC: Well, if I had to be creative, I’d guess— KB: RC: That’s rhetorical. KR: We went into the tech room [Ohhh so they have a tech room that's probably what that room with the tv is!] to isolate the frequency that the bug was transmitting on, and we found, uh, well… JE: Show ‘em. KR: All right. *turns on TV to get a good view of boobs, like real bazongas*

KC: Oh, well, I mean, it’s not just any celebrity video— I mean, TMZ’s offered, like, a million bucks for the first naked picture of me. JE, being horny: You ask me, that number’s on the low side. KB:

KB: And then there might be a trail that leads back to the guilty party. So we’re gonna have to find somebody to pull all those photos-- JE: I’ll do it. RC: Got a little case of, uh…puppy love there, Esposito? <3 they love making fun of him RC spotting royal in the conference room: Aw. Looks like Esposito isn’t the only frustrated dog in the precinct. Who closed him up in there?

*starts rubbing her hand intimately* GIRL This reminds me. When they had the murder suspect amnesiac they let him crash on the couch. The dog tho is going home with castle or beckett. Then later espt takes home that kid. & we finally get to see his apartment.

KC: I never thought I would say this, but I am so sick of looking at myself right now. I can’t even imagine how you must feel. JE, enjoying looking at pics of pretty women: Don’t worry about me. WHY are they going thru the pics so SLOW? Wow there's humanity here now. Weird. She's all depressed bc she feels talentless. You can be talentless tho bc skills are things you can build. ofc it takes more work bc talents just come naturally & skills take time & effort but shush.

Hyatt is such a name. I remember he sent a dead body to brackenreid once & john almost opened up the chest. Espt is being really protective of kay rn. Bro chill.

My dad's cat has a grease spot on the window from where her cat tree is & she puts her face on the window. it's so adorable. RC: Who’s a good boy, huh? Who’s a good boy? Is Marcus a good boy? No, he’s not a good boy. He’s a bad boy. Man has a bit of a lisp that makes it sound like he's shitting here not sitting here lol Could be dog trafficking, not necessarily drugs

Ah he's a US customs agent lol. Get ryan on the job he was a drug cop. Should have given him the hella fancy coffee

Beckett's on drugs lol Essence of poppyflower ohhhhh These are real narcotics, they are from poppyseed or smth. Not all street drugs are narcotics & ppl tend to forget that.

omg ryan is wearing a blue suit (kind of striped) with a pink shirt & no tie omg y'all I might be a lesbian. (Yes I'm only half woman, yes I'm also half man, yes he's also a man, but he's the kind of guy lesbians say are attractive even if they are not attracted themselves. Like I find him cute as a lesbian. Not as a straight girl not as a gay boy not as a straight boy but as a lesbian. it's complicated shut up.) Oh & while we're at it espt has a nice jacket too & it looks good on him, it has like the leather jacket looking bit (probs polyester or vinyl, tho in some lighting it looks almost denim) & then the fabric sleeves, I love it. Oh esposito is so sad that she's the one.

KB: So, we have reason to suspect that our killer was wearing your perfume. KC: Well, that’s impossible. It wasn’t even out yet. I’m the only person that had it. KR: Does she realize she just incriminated herself? JE: I said she was nice. I didn’t say anything about smart.

Looking thru the window like that? v sus. HOLY MOLY well as soon as my little bro is gone I am watching that fight scene again & posting the clip!

KB: Yeah, and, um, you know, I was wrong about something, too. Turns out having a mascot in the precinct can be pretty useful. Me: You mean rick or royal?

All the cops watching them fight over royal KC: Oh, yes, Lolita and I need a big strong man around the house, JE:

AC: You said, you’d be the one who’d wind up having to feed it, and it was hard enough remembering to feed me every day. RC: Yeah, I…I don’t remember that last part. AC: It was subtext. Barely. theyre so cute: So…this dog you want o get, you know, for me…this wouldn’t be an enticement to come home from college more often, would it?

Maybe I hadn't seen this one before. Regardless, it was fun enough.

[keefwho]

June 05 - 2023 Monday

9:22 AM

I feel so out of touch with everything I’ve done and everything that I am. With friends over time I start to live up to what I think our relationship is/should be instead of what it actually is. I slowly forget everything we’ve done to get to this point, but I do this with everything. I have a nasty habit of forming conclusions and then forgetting about the relevant information, all in an effort to make things simpler or easy to understand. The problem comes when these conclusions turn out wrong or become outdated. It just feels so hard to always keep so much data in mind at all times. I must be doing something wrong. I wish so deeply that I could figure out how to get better. I want some clear actions I can take. 

7:30 PM

I’ve felt so empty. I fear if I cannot figure myself out soon then I’ll be lost for good. That’s probably not the case but it sure feels like it. 

I’m so afraid of becoming someone that pushes away his friends and can’t pursue anything that makes him happy. I desire human connection but I either have to learn to accept myself first or develop the trust that allows me to believe other people want me. I know I’m afraid of growing anything because of the ability to fall. If you don’t build up then you can’t plummet, that’s unintentionally been the way I look at things. I want to be brave and build strong bonds. I want to grow my business, and my skills. I want to raise myself up without being afraid of falling. For me that takes a lot of bravery and the mindfulness to catch when I’m sabotaging myself. 

10:50 PM

This morning I made eggs and cup noodle stir fry with onions and a sausage link. I think this contributed to tummy problems tonight because that nor lunch had much fiber. This morning’s stream went well and is the last morning stream Daisy will attend for awhile which makes me sad. I sketched some otters and started my buddy Goodtimes’ commission which went well. After stream I successfully did my workout and I feel good about that. In order for it not to be a problem later, I took care of myself in the shower. I simply don’t want to put up with sexual urges lately, they’ve been stressing me out more than anything. Largely because I feel that they are unwelcome, but thats a result of my plummeting self confidence. Lunch was a pack of ramen and some fish sticks in an effort to eat things from my freezer first and my workout left me with a craving for calories that ramen always fulfills. During my afternoon work I hung out with David again. He apologized for being busy lately because he wants to deepen our newly found friendship which I thought was nice. I liked how straightforward he was, I can tell he has good communication skills. My problem today was forcing myself to hang out and chat didn’t really help how I felt. It was very hard to take true interest in the conversation or feel like I was actually welcome in the VC. Again, all my fault right now. I did all my work and left the call so I could do yoga in VRchat. The channel I watch, YogawithAdriene, finally released a new video. Conveniently it was for days where you feel down and need to remind yourself that you are cherished and loved. It didn’t really have that effect on me though. I mostly used the semi-alone time to sulk as I pushed through the different poses, as hard as I was trying to lighten up. Afterwards I layed in VR for a little bit and watched the clouds. After that I got off to play some Zelda and watch Twitch until Daisy messaged and we played together. We just pulled the Master Sword out of Zelda’s brain and started the next quest to look for the lost sage. Now she is asleep and I am going to bed an hour early because of a new schedule change so I can wake up earlier like I’ve always wanted to.

[indigo474]

May 25th 2023- a little bit better than i use to be-

so much so much so much- i really should write more. i read a news story today about kids being neglected and abused. why are people so horrible? those poor babies- it makes me sad. exactly why i don't watch the news. i had someone in work tell me "they " are shooting people on 95. Really? I had no idea. she looked at me in disgust and said you really need to be more informed. I don't need to hear and read about what a fucked up world we live in to know what a fucked up world we live in. Being informed makes me sad and scared- 2 things i am trying desperately not to be. Work is going good. it's so much nicer going to work as the boss-so much better. My boss- the Ice Queen, likes me. I can tell and i am grateful. We are going out shopping together for the company picnic. I'm in charge. HA. People dislike me for doing my job. A lot of people are incapable of taking responsibility for their actions. they blame me for doing MY job- the truth is- if they did their job- i wouldn't have to do mine. the Ice Queen is MOODY- I'm not sure if she is still drinking- she tends to hide in her office.

I should be getting my check-any day now. i asked MAds if she would mind moving out of our town. she's open to it-as long as we are safe and happy. i don't want to leave this town.. but i have to do what is best for me and if i cant find a place to live-- BUT i keep telling myself that SOMETHING wonderful is going to happen and the PERFECT place will be mine- i have to believe it. whats that saying- whats meant for me is mine- whats meant for me won't pass me by-

James went hard on me tonight. My knee pain is gone- i started taking a supplement- i use to take it and stopped and just started again and it works. i finally mentioned to james that during my cycle its harder to lift. Because it is- there is a huge difference. it wasnt weird to him. yeah its true- but we cant use that as an excuse- his words. tonight he upped everything-benched 105. i'm going to be sore tomorrow, i only squatted 175 this week. i need to get my ass into the gym and do my workout over the weekend. James shared a lot about himself tonight. he paid off his student loans, is getting a new car- not sure what kind- skipped a vacation with his buddies to Puerto rico because he lost 1200 on a bet- he even got out the dry erase marker and drew me pictures so i could understand what he was talking about. UFC and basketball- from what he said, and drew - it was just unbelievable how he lost the bets and he thinks its the universe telling him he shouldn't bet. he said it made him sick. he's a good person. i can tell. Kika was tired tonight- she didnt even bark when i walked up. she's such a good girl. we played a little.

my friend in work-the one who i think is on drugs and never talks about her husband. she told me her husband is dumb and useless. she's always saying she would be fine if she only had some xanax. dont say it dont say it. for months he same thing- i would be fine if i had xanax- dont fucking say it. if i had xanax i would be fine---- i know a dr. she use to see him, she called that afternoon and got herself an appointment. today she comes in and is talking so fast- too fast. i use the term friend loosely. this should be interesting- maybe she's right- maybe all she needs is xanax.

i spent all day last saturday watching porn and masturbating. i got myself a new vibrator - its dam near perfect. quiet -

im sure there is soooo much more to write about. i am tired. got my friday shift changed for the summer-every other friday im workiing 9-6. this will work out good- i can still run after work. the ice queen likes me-thank God- the right people like me-its more important i like myself-